Telling The Kids We Are Moving
Moving is a fact of life. We all do it, some more than others. Telling the kids we are moving doesn’t need to be such a traumatic experience. Your children take their cues from you, their parents. If you are upbeat and positive in your attitude this will go a long way toward helping your children with the news. Before you talk with them take some time for yourself, take a walk, meditate, talk with a positive friend and get your head on straight. When you are ready to share the moving news with your children here are several ideas that will make things go more smoothly for everybody.
- Prepare yourself and then tell your children as early as you can. You want them to feel that they are important and that you are thinking of them. If you wait because you are afraid of their response they may find out another way or realize you have known for a while and then they will have to deal with that. Tell them as soon as you can.
- Talk about their existing relationships. Children who are a little older will be extremely concerned about leaving their friends and family members. Put some thought into how they will be able to not only keep in contact, but how they will be able to visit and maintain a continuing relationship with those they love. Share your ideas with them, it will go a long way toward letting them know they are considered and loved by you, and that’s most important now as much as any other time. The internet is a great way to keep in touch with friends. There’s also facebook, texting and don’t forget letters are a great way to keep connected over the miles. Go through some ways you think this could work.
- Remember that you are talking to children and that they don’t need too much information. They don’t need the gory details about your financial situation or your divorce. Just let them know that moving is the best thing for everybody and that you are considering those points that affect them.
- Be honest with them. Whatever you say now will be remembered. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. It can be tempting to tell them you’ll fly their friends out for visits, but unless you can really do that, don’t say it. Trust is of utmost importance and children listen to every word even if parents don’t think so.
- Plan your talk. Make sure you will not be interrupted by telephone calls. Set aside at least an hour for the discussion. They may have many questions. Work to answer them honestly. If you don’t know the answer, tell them and then after your talk spend some time and find them answers. It’s possible that our children may not want to talk too much, they may need to absorb the information. Let that be OK, don’t push them. Giving them space to process will be of utmost importance.
- Take the time before your talk to get accurate school information. Knowing some of the things to expect from their new school will cut some of the anxiety and give them something to think about. Have your laptop ready so they can see the new school online including pictures.
- Spend some time helping your children see themselves at their new home. Have pictures or a diagram of the new home and talk about who gets which room. Create a discussion about how they might decorate their new room including new paint or maybe shelves. Talk about the benefits of moving, such as updating their room now that they are older, or having their own room, or how they can walk down to the creek that flows through the neighborhood and fish. Find the positive and help them focus on that.
- Let your children know that you realize that saying “goodbye” will be very important. Let them help you plan a party at your current home with games and fun. They can invite their friends and their family members. Plan to take lots of pictures and for example, talk about making a scrap book or poster that everybody can sign.
- If you have children who take the news hard, be sure to give them space to work through their feelings. Don’t rush or push or need them to be or do anything. Everybody processes differently.
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